He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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