So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
