just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I still have a little drunk in my system
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
