i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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