you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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