If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think a kid would responsible me up
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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