no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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