i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
we're so committed to being not committed
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
