so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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