I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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