Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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