we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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