you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
