what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
