he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
