how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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