Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
