can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Please don't give away my fajitas
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
