I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
