My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
