Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
