I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
