Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
