Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
