You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
