people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
