P.S. I can't hear my feet
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
