don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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