I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My breasts were aching with rage.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
