I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
