i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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