i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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