we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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