they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
