Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
