I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
