The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
