I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i was born a porn star she said
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
