But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
