I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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