you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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