this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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