Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
