My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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