glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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