So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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