didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
