I need to stop coming to work sober
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
