he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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