I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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