so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
