where am i from again
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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