oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
