I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
how drunk are you?
Several
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
