overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
