Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize