I just saw a hot homeless man
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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