Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
