tell your sister to shave her snatch
love makes seman taste better
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Randomize
