Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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