Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
