I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
