just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
