Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
