I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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