dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
