Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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