Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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