I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
