but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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