Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
