Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Come see our sink grown plant.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
