Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
