You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
