I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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