don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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