how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
