Responsibility does not care about your dick.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We're too hungover to prance.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
