I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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