Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize