So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize