Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
