he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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