I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
