I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
