did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
