So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
home. puking in laundry basket.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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