At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Dicks are not precious.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
