8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
