he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
