I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
