If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
