How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
