Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
