I feel great
I just peed on a car
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
