We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
