this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
im holly from the hills drunk
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
