Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
